Twins, Porn and Shelley Lubben

my thoughts on the porn industry
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When I was 5 we lived in Montana on Blue Bell Rd in a yellow house.  I loved that house.  It was perched on a gravel road where I learned how to ride my blue banana seat bike (the blue-light special).  Trying to balance and steer my front wheel through the thickly laid gravel, I crashed into a parked car and had lots of skinned knees!

The house was part of a new development with other homes scattered near-by surrounded by empty lots and fields.  To my 5 year old eyes the backyard was enormous.  My parents grew a jungle of corn that in the spring began as soft green shoots and by summers end were a wild leafy wilderness.  In fall, the crunchy yellowed stalks were constructed into a tee-pee.  My brother and I played endlessly.  At the far end of the yard there was a small hill leading up to a canal.  It had no fence, in fact we had maneuvered a rotting 2x6 board across the canal to use as a bridge so we could feed the horses on the other side.  How we didn't drown, I have no idea.

Twins lived a few houses down from us.  Ricky and Randy.  They were fun kids with huge buck teeth smiles, brown skin and blonde hair.  They also had a kick-butt swing set in the back yard.  When you were swinging it was like flying!  We'd drag an empty garbage can up the canal hill and then one of us would get inside and roll down inside the can.  It was the most painful kind of fun.  We'd get knocked around and bruised and smashed but jump out laughing and drag the can back up the hill for more.  Ricky, Randy, my brother and I were best friends.

t was with these twins and my younger brother that I discovered the secret delights of pornography.  

While wandering in the fields near our house we found a magazine under a pile of pallets.  It was a magazine with naked girls!  This was my sex education.  I was 5.  The boys were more ennamored than I was but I can't deny the warm sexual excitement growing inside me.  A natural instinct burgeoning prematurely in my life.

I had been introduced to sex and sexuality, which flipped a switch and couldn't be reversed.

We were proud of ourselves gaining the attention of the older older boys in the neighborhood and promised we'd show them the magazine.  Marching through the field, grasshoppers flying in every direction, we led the boys to the secret hiding spot.  One of the boys took the magazine home and later I heard he got in trouble.  His mother had found the mildewy mess under his bed.

Although the we no longer had the visuals of the nude 1980's styled girls, we couldn't forget them.  Our play was riddled with conversations about, sex and wieners and boobs.  We giggled about the older girl across the street that confessed she slept naked.  And were questioned by the older boys who wanted to know if we'd found any more magazines.  All this was followed by "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  We had become sexualized 5-year old kids educated by pornographers.

The next year, we said good-bye to Ricky and Randy.  My family packed our bags and moved to another city.

So many are blind; thinking pornography is a victim-less habit.  Or, that sex with prostitutes is between consenting adults and it's their business.  These aren't just guilty pleasures.  

Pornography includes a myriad of ugliness.

Shelley Lubben is fascinating.  I love her.  She was that woman, the woman on the other side of the screen, the porn star.  Get a box of Kleenex and watch this clip.  The horrors she tells are unreal!  She is a savior and healer to many and fights for lives everyday.  The Pink Cross Foundation, is her home base.  I could barely scan across the interviews with other former porn stars describing their own abuse.  Read her site with caution, it is disturbingly graphic.


Sadly, pornography is as much about supply and demand as gas and oil prices.  Simply put, these women, men and children are commodities, like cattle.  I cannot handle this!  I want to fight too.

The awful reality is that my husband contributed to the growing disease of sex-trafficking in my city.  He knows now, with the bitter taste of sobriety that his actions weren't victimless.  We are fools to believe that porn is just a tool for pleasure.  That if we accept porn on a mild level that we're progressive and cool.     I spent many years in my marriage making believe that pornography was ok.

This blog post sent me reeling and I had to voice my opinion.  I hope you do too.

Have you heard about the Groupon to a tourture porn stuido?  It's unimaginable!  Groupon is on my blacklist.  Porn Harms is fighting this battle.

The truth is told through many voices.  Even, Annie Lobert, sex-trafficked survivor and founder of Hookers For Jesus.  I love that name, funny but true.  She's freeing victims of sex-trafficking on the Vegas Strip, the city with no soul.

We are part of a revolution demanding the safety of our daughters, sons, husbands and wives.  It's a revolution against power and money, sex abuse and lies and we're going to win.