In the beginning...part 2

Nightmares revealing my husbands infidelity

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Read the previous entry here.

November 2010

He packed his bags, gave me a token peck on the cheek and I dropped him off at the airport.

The sick feeling in my gut was still there.  I couldn't help but feel something was going to go horribly wrong.

The next day, with my children in tow, I boarded a different plane.  I had planned to spend the week at my in-laws for Thanksgiving and snow.  It was perfect.  Family, mounds of mashed potatoes, secret laughter about the obnoxious aunts missing blouse button and the ultimate snow dinosaur, a stegosaurus.

As perfect as it was, I felt an undertone.  Like a gentle riptide swirling around my feet.  It felt dangerous.

Shaking and sweaty, I belted obscenities to the inky cold air...F-bomb obscenities, the kind I don't say in real life.  Screaming!!  Howling!!  I had just caught my husband sleeping with a woman who wasn't me!  I blinked and realized it was just a dream.  Thank God!  My kids still snuggled next to me fast asleep, I sigh, laying my head back on the pillow.

It was just a nightmare.

'The likelihood of my husband cheating on me is the same likelihood of him murdering me. Impossible, he would never do it.  I couldn't fathom it's possibility.'  

I read this somewhere.  A woman explained the absolute impossibility of her husbands infidelity. He would never kill me...he would never cheat on me.  It was absurd.

Then next day I was shaken and bothered.  I told myself, "There's no way.  I trust his fidelity.  He loves us.  He loves me."

Sweaty and thrashing I scream out again. The nightmare repeats itself!  Breathing, doubting my sanity, pulling out my hair, I hear a voice outside my head.  Insanity?

"You won't divorce him."

I whispered back, "hell ya, I will."