Kicked to the curb...part 1

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Thanks MLK

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Read the previous entry here.


April 2011

He's gone.  It's weird how someone you love is all of a sudden someone you don't love.  Cutting him out gave me freedom.

And, it's weird how all the acidic dark feelings kinda left with him.  Or are they just masked by the high of my take charge attitude?  Who cares!  I feel good and there's a break in the storm.  I can breathe.  He had 24 hours to leave.  When I pulled into the driveway after work he peeled out. What a statement!  I had to laugh!!  He was mad at me.

I'm mowing the lawn myself, fixing the broken kitchen cupboard, taking my kids to school, working, budgeting and buying groceries and paying the bills, talking with friends and family, attending PASG (12-step) and going to yoga and therapy.  I feel so much love and support. The only thing I resent about him not being here is that he picks up the dog poo.  But even that feels kinda great.  Like I own this place!  I own my life and I don't mind cleaning up my dog's crap! Then the realization hits me...he had been so controlling and I had allowed it.  Oppressive. errrrrrg.

Those first few weeks he just stayed away.  Apparently, he'd found refuge and an extra room that didn't cost much.  He literally had no where to go.  No friends.  No family.  No girls. (I'm sure hookers charge extra for multiple overnighters.)  He had no one.  I kinda felt sad for him. Pathetic really.  A 35 year old man with not a soul in the world to help him out.  In fact, he ended up staying in the spare room of a guy that works for him.

I saw something I'd never seen before...he had no idea how to build a meaning relationship with anyone.  Looking back at us, I saw how hollow it was.  No depth.