It's Not About Sex


Debbie Harry
Debbie Harry (my fav)

After reading some information another blogger came across, I asked myself the age old question,

"How can this not be about sex?"

This concept can't ever seem to reconcile itself in my heart.  I've read the research, heard the heartfelt sorrow and listened to my therapists say the same thing, "it isn't about sex.  it isn't about sex. it isn't about sex."

Sure, emotional distance was apparent in our relationship.  But what was the reason for the lack of emotional intimacy?  Like the research says, I felt a craggy gap in our communication, empathy, depth and connectedness as a couple.

But, I don' t think it was really that, that killed our marriage.  Every relationship experiences these issues.  In our relationship, the core seems to be more about interpersonal skills and the vulnerability that leads to good change.  When you feel disconnected what do you do?  When there is a lack of emotional/physical intimacy, how do you rebuild?  When communication is less than stellar, how do you repair it?  When you don't want to be committed in a marriage anymore, how do you end a relationship?  When feelings are hurt, how do you express and respond?  How do you deeply love someone?

He choose instead of recognizing hard things and making hard choices or hard changes to escape.  I think escape is the opposite of unity. Escape seemed the path of least resistance and so he choose to risk not only his marriage and family but also our lives.  He choose Russian Roulette.

Sex may not have been the number one factor that lead him onto his empty path of infidelity but I can't help but think...

"If it's not about sex, then why in that hidden moment when two bodies meet is it undeniably the act of sex?"