First of all, free pie charts on the internet are ugly! The nerd in me loves a good pie chart.
Second, we got 52 responses! RAD!
Written responses to:
Did you tell your mother/family about your partners porn/sex addiction?
Told a relative I am very close to only once I had reached peace that I could leave.
I told them somewhat reluctantly after a few years
I told my mom. My Dad knew before me :-SI told my Mom, but my Dad doesn't know.
My in-laws know, and my husband and I are working on a plan to tell my parents within the next few years
I felt really strongly I needed to tell my parents, but my hubby decided they needed to hear it from him. No one else knows.
My partners habit never became an addiction, I did tell some people about his use and my reaction, not my mom though
I only told a sister
I told my sister. He told his brother. We planned to not tell any other family members but I broke down one day & told my mom (who was staying with us because we had newborn twins), who told my father. The OW's BH wrote a letter to my H's parents, so they found out that way. Fun times!
I told my in-laws.
Written responses to: What was their reaction? Shock. Sadness. Compassion. Anger. Love. She thought something was wrong the whole time but didn't know the details...everything just made sense to her at that point. She was loving and reminded me about forgiveness. Super supportive. I didn't want to tell them but I am glad that I did. You need support. compassion worried for me. but very supporitve shock, support, love My Mom is super supportive. She us my sounding board. She gives me perspective. She has been living and kind to both of us as we go through this. Reaction?..she commented on men being visual in nature as a catalyst for my H's porn addiction. Nothing to personal. In laws: my father in law was really supportive to both me and my husband. Mother in law really struggled with it. Her response was difficult for me. I think she blamed me a bit at first, and sent me books about how to be a good wife, etc. then she started researching addiction and I think her perception is still a bit skewed but it is better. We have been able to talk about it frankly, although she still asks me in a way of checking in on my husband how he is doing. Mom was ridiculously supportive, but it was three years post d-day and I think we're gonna make it Incredibly shocked Sad. As hubby told my dad, my mom sat with me on the stairs and cried, she kept saying how sorry she was and she hugged me. They love him as their own, and my parents are really compassionate The news just broke their hearts for him and for our little family. But they have cheered him (us) on throughout the healing process. I have never felt judged by them. Complete shock and heartbreak, just like me. surprise that I cared, Surprise that I wouldn't rather he look at porn and take care of himself instead of bothering me. And pretty much shock that I addressed it with him. I didn't share every tiny detail though, some things are too personal. Very supportive, though after 13 years and more lying from him, they're getting stern with him and worried about the fate of our marriage. kind, sweet, supportive, understanding. Shock. Hope that we can reconcile. Support. I know the moms each cried when by themselves. You need to support him! Stand by him! He is a special boy with a difficult challenge! The lying portion must be because he knows you and knew you would react badly - he was always an honest child. Mostly they are hush hush about it though. ------------------------------- Written responses to: Are you happy you told them? And, if given a second change what advice would you give?
I am very happy I told her. There was an almost instant relief to telling someone that I trust and that has known me my entire life. I had her support and advice. My advice is that I hadn't thought about the impact on our (my husband's and mine) relationship with her and her husband. Blessedly, it hasn't changed too much. Yes it has brought relief in my life not having to hide and pretend that everything is fine. I can show my emotions now. Yes and I would most of the time, it depends on their personality are they intrusive or will they trust you that you are a mature person and can make proper decisions for yourself. I am. but it sucks when things keep happening.. and i dont know whether to KEEP telling them. :/ Yes, I am happy I told them. They haven't acted weird and have given me the space and privacy that I asked for. I'm just glad they know. I was sick of hearing them praise my husband and be thinking in my mind, "But if you only knew!" Absolutely. My advice would be to reach out to those you love who love you sooner, rather than later as long as you feel they won't hold an eternal grudge against your partner. I told them for me. Honestly, not much has been said. They haven't even asked me how I'm doing with all of this. Advice? Share when you feel ready. Do it for yourself and try not to expect a certain reaction. You never know how it might play out. I wish we had waited and thout it through a bit more before telling my in laws. It was just a gut reaction where honestly I just wanted them to know the reason if we didn't end up staying married. They took it a lot worse than I expected they would, which was maybe naive of me, I don't know. For advice I would just say to think on it for a few days before telling them to make sure it is what you want. I literally asked my husband to call them about an hour after I found out, and then already the next day I had some regrets about it. Not happy, not sad. Just needed to make sure I had a contingency plan and her support was necessary. Yep- I have an extremely supportive network and it feels good, to not be alone. If you tell, tell people who are supportive of you both. I am happy we told them, I'm not sure about hubby though, I've never asked. For me, it was important for healing. My parents are very wise and as a church leader, my dad has helped many young men, men and families and I knew I needed him more than ever in that moment. Like I said before, not once have I felt judged, just love and support. If I had a second chance, I would do it the same. My parents have always been very strict with me and I was terrified that they'd hate him, and they'd be very harsh but I felt the Savior's love through them at the time more than ever before. Yes! My mom, dad and sister are the only ones that know. I wouldnt be alive without them supporting me through this hell. I spoke with a cousin, a sister in law and a best friend. All of whom know my husband and hang out with us regularly. I am glad I told them because as I said, he wasn't addicted, he wasn't raking up bills or making excuses to be alone or completely not having sex with me. And I still was upset. I kind of think hopefully that I set a precedent among my circle of friends for not having to shut up and deal with your partners solo sex life. If that makes sense? Yes! I desperately needed someone to talk to and help me, especially when he was resistant to therapy or change. yes. I wish I hadn't told my parents because I think they now worry about me, and I wish they weren't saddled with that. I often wonder how they could look at my husband kindly; I don't think I'd have as much poise if my daughter's H cheated on her when she was pregnant. I think it all depends on one's family dynamic. My parent's overly-identify & over-empathize with their children - their children's struggles become their own. My H's parents don't do that so I think they could keep more distance. In general I wish our parents didn't know but I'm so happy my sister is there to support me. I don't know what I'd have done without that! I'm happy I told the in-laws for my husband sake. One of his issues is that he is afraid to disappoint people. It's good to see that his parents both still love him AND he makes them proud, even though he is a sex addict. There isn't a lot of contact with them about it, but at least they KNOW and can pray for him and us. Unfortunately they haven't really been helpful to my healing because they have a pretty skewed perspective. But I guess that is ok. Thanks for participating. The end.